Letter from Susan

John's sister, Susan, asked me to post this letter:


John,

I can't believe it has been 6 months today since you died. Some days I still can't believe it, I wake up every day and have to remind myself that it is real. I miss you, I think of you all the time, I wonder what you would think of things, you always were so black & white with your thoughts, never lacking on opinion that is for sure.

I wonder if you can see the sad things that I see, like the flagpole in Mom & Dad's front yard with the Gold Star flag & Dad going out there every morning & putting it up, your wedding ring hanging from Julie's neck, the pile of Chinook coins & pins in Olivia's room under your picture & the gathering of seashells on your headstone at Arlington with all our names on them.

I also wonder if you can see the happy & funny things too, when I took Keely to New York City & her face when she walked thru Times Square, when Madeline told me she would like to have Dad's 57 Chevy & told me in detail what she would like to do to it, sounded like you two have had that conversation before. When I told Erin that my baby blanket was yours & she smelled it & said she could smell you in there. She will not believe I am your sister... she thinks I am her sister!

Well, I have to tell you that you would be really proud of all of us, Julie is a rock and she carries on as you would have wanted her to, although I can't imagine the pain she carries. The girls are doing great, they are beautiful and full of craziness, truly Quinlans, which I love. Mom and Dad are being strong and they keep every piece of information on you in beautiful books so the girls will have it one day. I feel closer to all of them than ever and we have all grown together to pull ourselves through this.

You are missing so much and there is no way to justify that. There will always be an empty seat at our table. Julie, Mom, Dad & me are your memory keepers, through our stories of you our family will remember, Keely, Madeline, Erin, Olivia & Will will know you. Someone sent me a quote & it said "To live in the hearts of those you love is to never die" and that is why you will never be truly gone.

We are planning to take the kids skiing over Christmas this year, just as you always wanted to. I hope you are smiling on us as we make fools of ourselves all over that mountain.

I love you,

Susan